good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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