dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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