You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just found a bag of teeth...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
