She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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