I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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