I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My pussy is not your playground.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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