Someone shit on the floor
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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