I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
