i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
