dude i'm inner monologue high
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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