please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
