I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
