it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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