dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
