that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
