Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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