how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i think my cat just said my name.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
