If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
