Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
