guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
