im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
