So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
