My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
