i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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