u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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