I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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