i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
