Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
did i just pee glitter
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