every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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