I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
