I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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