just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
