Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
