Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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