Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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