Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
