The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
