OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
