her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
