Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
