just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
