I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
