I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
