Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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