The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
