there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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