I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
