Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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