He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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