I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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