I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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