Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
